Dating Advice

What to Do When He Disappears – Dating Advice for Women Over 40

Why Men Disappear…Without a Trace!
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My special guest on this week’s show is Wendy Newman, a dating and relationship coach and the author of 121 First Dates, a helpful guide that aims to provide single women with the tips and tricks that Wendy wished she had access to over her decade of dating.

On today’s show, Wendy and I discuss what to do when a man disappears, an awful situation that can leave you heartbroken and searching for closure.

If you find yourself wondering why he disappeared on you completely after only a few dates, he may have realized a deal breaker that had come up in one of your conversations that he hadn’t paid enough attention to in the moment. If you don’t want to have children, and he absolutely must have them, he’ll look back on that conversation and do what in his mind is a favor to you and disappear. In the moment, he may have been completely enchanted by your charm and not realized that the both of you simply don’t make a good match in accordance to his wants and needs. Since you aren’t in a committed and exclusive relationship at that point, he won’t feel as if either of you owe the other anything, not even a reason or closure.

Another of Wendy’s clues as to why men disappear is that they don’t have enough time or room in their lives for a long-term relationship. He may realize that you are indeed the whole package—a gourmet meal—but at that moment, he only has the appetite for a snack. In relationships, timing is always key. If the timing in a man’s world just isn’t right, then the relationship will ultimately fall through, and he will retreat.

To help deal with the emotional a man disappearing, Wendy says to make up the most empowering interpretation of the situation that you can possibly manage. By doing so, you’ll be able to gain that sense of closure that you need to move on from his disappearance and continue on with your life. In Wendy’s experience, this fabulous interpretation can sometimes turn out to be true—it may very well had been the real reason he disappeared! Regardless of whether or not it’s true, though, use this device to help you gain the closure you need to put the heartache and anxiety to rest. Often, the reason as to why men disappear has nothing to do with the woman herself, but with his own issues. Keep telling yourself empowering stories and realize your self-worth and that maybe you were simply too good for him.

If you’re really aching to alleviate some of the heartache that you feel from lack of closure you feel from a man disappearing, Wendy says to draft a message to him thanking him for all the parts of him and the date that you found enjoyable and memorable. Be truthful with him—tell him that you had a great time on the dates that you shared, and let him know that you understand that there just must have not been the connection he needed to remain in contact. You can send this or not, but don’t expect a reply. If you get one, great—but keep your own heart in mind and realize that the reason behind the exercise was to gain closure.

What do you think about Wendy’s thoughts on why men disappear? Leave us your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!

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Suzanne Oshima, Matchmaker & Dating Coach at Dream Bachelor & Bachelorette & the Founder of Single in Stilettos (http://www.singleinstilettos.com)

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