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Iris Benrubi was faced with the pain and hardship that comes after going through a tough divorce.
She felt alone and fearful for the hard road that was before her, but she never gave up.
She persevered, ultimately making it her mission to help other women dealing with the same experiences in love and relationships to be willing to trust and lower their walls again.
This week, Iris and I discuss her advice for women on the very topic that she found herself struggling with after her divorce-dating after heartbreak.
After a relationship ends, it can be difficult to know the right time to let your walls down and jump back in to dating.
You can feel frightened for the future-weary of putting your heart back on the line and taking risks for love.
According to Iris, feeling safe behind the walls you keep up is actually a healthy coping mechanism-it’s only when you stay behind them for too long that they became an inefficient practice.
The first step in dating after heartbreak is to realize that everyone feels anxiety toward love and relationships and that it’s a completely normal emotion. Give yourself 12 to 24 months to grieve and heal-if you still don’t feel comfortable dating again after that period, seek a professional at that point to help you overcome your fears and anxieties.
When a relationship ends, it’s easy to look back on it negatively. You wonder about what you could’ve done better, and you might be looking for someone to put the blame on.
To begin moving toward dating after heartbreak, reflect back on the past relationship in a forward-thinking and positive way. Realize that while the end of a relationship is an unfortunate and painful experience, it’s also an opportunity for us to grow into a better version of ourselves.
When you’re unclear about what you really want in a relationship, you can waste a lot of time and emotion in a relationship headed toward nowhere.
When you start dating again, it’s also critical to go in with clarity. Have a solid foundation of your wants and needs and understand the type of future that you want to create with your partner. Be absolutely clear on what it is that you’re looking for in a man-don’t waste your time and emotions on a relationship that doesn’t fit your core needs.
What do you think about Iris’s advice on dating after heartbreak? In the comments below, leave us your thoughts!
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Suzanne Oshima, Matchmaker & Dating Coach at Dream Bachelor & Bachelorette & the Founder of Single in Stilettos (http://www.singleinstilettos.com)
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